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"... you have served me so well. and i ... i have not served you nearly as well."
a profound realization.
i'm truly convinced blazer had everything to do with it.
convinced.
and ...
i'm no cracker jack ....
just a soul who senses
what others may miss
my darling and beautiful shaggy angel hound ....
thank you ....
it seems small to say so,
considering all you have done.
godspeed my hound.
i feel you around me.
a place of death, discovery, duality, denial, creation
The people: VELVET, LUPIN, 'HE'
VELVET - that's me!
LUPIN - the one and only, the wolf i married: selfless and giving, strong, independent, sophisticatedly bold, unafraid, addicted, mistrustful, melancholy, worldly. sort of like james bond in the real. an undiscovered GENIUS. and HOT ... really HOT.
'HE' - the other one: weak, dependent, passive, afraid of his own shadow, egocentric, naive and sheltered. has low-set ears. a fantasy i followed and fixated on. a MIRAGE.
this place - it's where i come to write about my life-blood: my marriage, this thing that buoys me in life's most violent and despairng tempests.
so much so, that i wonder: how can anyone remain partner-less in life?
truly ... how tragic. i would not be one-tenth the woman i am now if not for my marriage, my lupin and the lovely fruit i have borne.
what a simple realization! the culmination of three processes: LISTEN, READ, SEE.
LISTENING to the sound of myself. its amazing what we can hear, you know, if we only stop and listen. really listen.
my body - right down to the cellular level - has so much knowledge. and wisdom. and memory. unlike the mind, the body never forgets.
READING others. that's what i do. ever since, as a little girl, my mother used to fly into her psychotic and extremely vitriolic PMS fits.
funny - its so easy to get inside the minds of others, based on ques like body language, tone of voice, energy emission, even.
then why is is sooo hard to read myself?
SEEING myself and, as a result, the world at large, in a whole new light. its that blinding elucidation. you know? when you are skulking about in a dark corner and the suddenly someone turns the lights on?
and your pupils are so large from being in the darkness for so long that its uncomfortable to see the light?
and so, you imagine what lies beyond the darkness ... in the light. at first maybe you think you see something. you're convinced.
in the moment that is your truth. but as the darkness fades ... as your pupils contract. clarity comes to focus. and your truth ... it evolves.
