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deal breaker?

we all have them. limits. y'know what i mean. deal breaker. each relationship has that point, does it not? i think so, regardless if we choose to acknowledge its existence or not. d'ya ever think about what your own 'deal breaker' would be? d'ya ever discuss it with your partner? maybe this sounds like i'm being flippant, cynical ... no no. really. shouldn't people discuss this sort of thing?

i mean ... its really easy to sit in the armchair and make all these platitudes and promises to yourself. but ... think for real. what are you really prepared to do? or absolutely not do? cheating? that's a tough one. tougher than it seems on the surface. like ... what IS cheating? do you have to fuck someone to have cheated? we should each know these things - know what we EXPECT from the relationship. for ourselves. for the relationship. perceptions manifested in the relationship have their roots in these unspoken expectations of behaviour and affection.

and the outcome of any situation ... and interaction ... it's severely influenced by one's response to it. take infidelity, for example. ok. so once you get past the ego-based reactionary emotional response -- outrage, anger ... etc ... you might begin thinking ... 'but, why?' seeking out the unfaithful partner to search for the answer to 'why' ... seems to me a positive, constructive course of action. because, in the end ... this ain't no sunday night movie of the week. its real life!

so ... we must ask ourselves: what am i prepared to live with? what am i prepared to give up? how did i get to this spot? these seem such simple questions ... yet ... oftentimes their answers elude us.

lupin + velet = til death do us part ... on Saturday, August 05, 2006 at 8:14 PM |

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About me

  • I'm velvet
  • From the bleeding eyes of hell
  • fury wrapped in a daffodil, confused, undecided, wild child, indigo child, impatient, insomniac, rebellious, outspoken, artistic, restless, bored with routine, i love change, afraid of commitment, i work to live - not live to work, claustrophobic, perfectionist, odd and maybe downright wierd, anxious and maybe a l'il (ok, a lot) neurotic, dichotomous, a teensy bit vitrolic, prone to nastiness, a maverick and a cynic, highly intuitive, sensual, erotic, intense, spiritual -- NOT religious, a bitch, a wordsmith, poet, storyteller, addict, mother, caregiver, dog lover, voracious reader, Mac person, Coke drinker, cannibis appreciator, clean freak, prone to hissy fits, attitude - i got one, fav. colour: red, perfume: estee lauder pleasures exotic, voluptuous, afraid of falling asleep, afraid of the dark, hate being touched, still get flashbacks - PTSD, nite hawk, into fetishes, got a sadomasochistic streak in me
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what is this place?

    a place of death, discovery, duality, denial, creation

    The people: VELVET, LUPIN, 'HE'

    VELVET - that's me!

    LUPIN - the one and only, the wolf i married: selfless and giving, strong, independent, sophisticatedly bold, unafraid, addicted, mistrustful, melancholy, worldly. sort of like james bond in the real. an undiscovered GENIUS. and HOT ... really HOT.

    'HE' - the other one: weak, dependent, passive, afraid of his own shadow, egocentric, naive and sheltered. has low-set ears. a fantasy i followed and fixated on. a MIRAGE.

    this place - it's where i come to write about my life-blood: my marriage, this thing that buoys me in life's most violent and despairng tempests.

    so much so, that i wonder: how can anyone remain partner-less in life?

    truly ... how tragic. i would not be one-tenth the woman i am now if not for my marriage, my lupin and the lovely fruit i have borne.

    what a simple realization! the culmination of three processes: LISTEN, READ, SEE.

    LISTENING to the sound of myself. its amazing what we can hear, you know, if we only stop and listen. really listen.

    my body - right down to the cellular level - has so much knowledge. and wisdom. and memory. unlike the mind, the body never forgets.

    READING others. that's what i do. ever since, as a little girl, my mother used to fly into her psychotic and extremely vitriolic PMS fits.

    funny - its so easy to get inside the minds of others, based on ques like body language, tone of voice, energy emission, even.

    then why is is sooo hard to read myself?

    SEEING myself and, as a result, the world at large, in a whole new light. its that blinding elucidation. you know? when you are skulking about in a dark corner and the suddenly someone turns the lights on?

    and your pupils are so large from being in the darkness for so long that its uncomfortable to see the light?

    and so, you imagine what lies beyond the darkness ... in the light. at first maybe you think you see something. you're convinced.

    in the moment that is your truth. but as the darkness fades ... as your pupils contract. clarity comes to focus. and your truth ... it evolves.

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